Maybe He's Two People...

Ok so today, I was feeling very female empowerment-y. I was heading to law school, ready to get my distinction, make my riches and then CLEARLY aim for world domination when BOOM, the tell tale sound of my blackberry text alert sounded and it was none other than Onion. 

The conversation went summat like:

Onion- How are you? I've just finished my to do list

Me - I'm fine apart from the fact that you still haven't called me back but i'm glad you've accomplished your goals on schedule

Onion - Yeah it was the best [elaborates about day]

Me -Selective reader much?

Onion - Dunno what I did wrong...

Me - Erm pretty much ignored entirely the first have of my text, i mean, I wasn't being subtle?

Onion - Had my first burger king meal today...

Me - .....

So am I entitled to really ask the question WTF???

I relayed this conversation to my dear friend martha and she came up with the only logical explanation, which she summed up nicely in 4 words: 'maybe he's two people'. At the time, I laughed at her, I mean REALLY laughed but then I took my 3 years worth of a law degree and my several months of the LPC experience and decided to apply a little lateral thinking. Funnily enough, the more I thought, the more she seemed to be correct: maybe he IS two people?? I mean statistics show that one in four people suffer from mental illness and IF he is one of those four and I have really been in a relationboat with two men  [and maybe like a tortoise] then that would really shed a whole lot of light on the situation.

I dunno, we laugh and we jest but if that isn't the solution to the above conversation, then  really and truly -what is?? Riddle me that folk....