Captain Save a Hoe....

Whilst I was watching the Bad Girls Club [which btw is a freaking awesome and full of crazy american girls], I came across a phrase that reminded me of every man that pisses me off. The phrase in question evidently is, 'captain save a hoe'. I will explain to you with reference to a guy who has managed to make me lose every ounce of respect I ever could have possibly had for him: I call him 'The Rock'. 

Now TR is the most complicated being you will ever hear of. Think of an enigma, wrapped in a puzzle served with a riddle and there you have it - TR. I met TR through a mutual friend and my first instincts were that he was a douche buuuuut I gave him a chance to be a normal human being and after spending some time with him, I thought I had cracked the code and that he was just a huge softy on the inside . I was wrong and it turned out the answer was far more complicated than that because he has a saviour complex that is somewhat worrying, let me explain...

TR is the kind of guy that will do nice things for you like buy you food if you're hungry or drive you to church because he NEEDS to feel like he is the alpha male coming to the rescue of damsels everywhere [daddy issues methinks]...so wait you ask..is that not the perfect man? Why do I dislike him so? The answer is this. The SECOND he has to opportunity to ditch you in the bid to chase a girl that tickles his fancy - he will. You could be en route to the hospital to have an emergency operation when he will get a message from a chick  that he likes and then start asking you if you have an oyster card...

OKOK

sliiiiight hyberbole

but the truth is not too far off:

Scenario 1: Martha and I are comfortably en route to see my cousin when he offers us a lift...then drives to a different location...THEN tries to tells us to get the bus...clearly I refused because no-one asked you to play captain save a hoe when we could have taken a direct bus to our location

Scenario 2: One day, my friend Sally and I were with TR at church and we were all ready to go home when TR decides he wants to go and socialise, so as capable women, we decided to go home on the train. Clearly this was too much for TR and instead of voicing his...I dunno...sadness? He sends me a message asking me if I liked the Jamaican food he had bought for me the prior week. HUH? WHAT? yes, those are the same bloody questions that went through my mind. Long story short, this was his convoluted way of saying that my punishment for daring to travel without assisance from his trusty steed was the missed opportunity of him providing me with carribean flavoured sustenance....

Scenario 3: On a separate day, Sally and I are in the car with him, when without so much as a word to us, he calls Onion and says 'Hey Onion, I really wanted to go and see [insert hoe name here] so can you just take these girls home for me'.

I personally wasn't aware that I was a piece of cargo that you can just transfer to another ship when you decide that you want to go and have a booty call...

Scenario 4: Possibly the MOST offensive. It is Sally's mum's 50th birthday party and since I have lived with Sally for about 5 years, I went and so did Martha. We invited TR as well because we are pleasant like that and because she has known him for a LONG time, so he came. At 10pm. And left at 10.02pm. His reason?? He had a REALLY important appointment to adhere to. The great thing about lies is that they will never remain hidden. Another biblical principal for you all.

His super important appointment was that a girl he likes had told him she needed picking up - a girl who btw, I KNOW sooo if he had nothing to hide/thought he was in the right, he would have just said 'yeah, I told Mia I am coming to pick her up' but no, he made it sound like a business/hospital appointment and left. Leaving us to make a night bus journey home from west to south london. THEN he wrote on Martha's facebook wall [the person he knows the least] to apologise for not staying?? no way...I don't respect him.

Now he is trying to worm his way back into the good books and this is  the most annoying thing about Captain Save a Hoe. They will ALWAYS ditch you when you need them if it means pleasing a ho, BUT they will ALWAYS need to please you also to satisfy their strange saviour complexes/need to be needed by all women. In the midst of this all, they will try to act as your personal psychiatrist, dropping some real 'insightful'  ish about how they've been observing your character and you are just far too 'cold' or 'rigid'. But to TR and all CSAH's everywhere, I have only ONE thing to say....

"POP OFF SON"

yeah it's another bad girls club reference. WHAT?? it's an awesome show!!

Another thing about CSAH. They think they are really slick with their lies but no matter what he wears, you can still see through it to what lies beneath...