Ok so for as long as I can remember, people have referred to me as 'cold' or 'mean'. I don't think this is particularly true, in fact, I think it is total and utter balls. I think I have an....interesting way of expressing my affection for people and I think it takes me a while to get there but I certainly do not think that I am devoid of emotion like I have some sort of black hole where my heart is supposed to be.
I blame my upbringing to be honest. I am not about to show you my genitalia [code for air my family business] but I will say that I was raised to be strong shall we say and being strong in my family meant that any sign of emotion was equivalent to weakness. It wasn't until a lot later on when I was cemented in my ways that they tried to do the whole 'love is a house and you got the key' type stuff and by that time it was simply too late for me. I have no clue how to deal with tears or emotional people...it makes me really uncomfortable...which btw MAY seem cold but it doesn't mean I don't care, it simply means that I don't know the requisite words or actions necessary to handle such a situation.
MY question is..
'why do people expect you to all of a sudden be filled with love whenever they decide to love you'??
Men do it all the frigging time. If they suddenly decide that they want to be love mc'needison then ALL of a bloody sudden, you're a cold, unfeeling bitch because you don't respond in an adequate fashion. May I point out the inherent double standardedness of this all...I mean if a woman starts saying stuff like 'why do you love your computer games/football/trading/ [insert relevant boyfriend addiction here] more than me', then we are labelled as needy and insecure, but if they do it, then they just want to be loved??
Men are filled with insecurities which they are either in complete denial about or are just unwilling to admit the existance of said insecurites. I resent being referred to as 'cold' every time I behave in a fashion that undermines a man's masculinity. I may be a tad sarcastic at times but believe it or not fellas, I am NOT trying to make you feel stupid or hack off your metaphorical balls with my intellect...I just think it is FUNNY! It is how I express myself and I think it is a damned sight better than me running off in tears every time someone says something that hurts my feelings. I have long since learnt that a quick mind and a sharp tongue can combat any insult. This is not 'coldness' it is just wit. And I personally believe that you can only be made to feel stupid if you yourself feel you are stupid...I mean, if I call you a thief, it will not affect you in anyway IF you haven't stolen...but apparently you shouldn't say this to someone after you have just finished 'making them feel stupid'..*heavy sigh*...I was only trying to make them feel better to be honest...
ANYHOO...Sally made a comment today that really sums up the whole topic. Namely, 'you cannot make a withdrawal on my heart if the bank account is empty. There is no overdraft.'
Essentially all this is saying is that it is a slow process. Learning to love and express such a feeling is a job for me [and others like me]. I work on it and the love is deposited in my hearts' bank account. If you try to withdraw too early then not only will you get naught out of me but the account will shut down. However, with a little patience, you will receive a handsome payment if you enter in the right pin no.
So no, I am not the tin [wo]man. I do not need to visit the wizard of Oz. I have a heart. It is intact and fully functioning. IF you cannot be patient then you will forever get the so called cold version of me.
The End.
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