Crossing the thin line.

I have often heard that there is a thin line betwixt love and hate. Yesterday, I firmly believe I crossed it with Onion. I was neither in love neither do I hate him  so we'll say a thin like between like and disrespect?...anyhoo, if I am honest with myself, I was still harbouring a secret hope that we would rekindle the flame. I find it hilarious the things that make me get over people. I mean, he has done some pretty darn messed up things, but there I was like a lumberjack still half heartedly holding on to an axe, waiting for him to realise that I am awesome [a true fact].

Then yesterday, we spoke and I realised that we were speaking as if naught had changed. This confused me somewhat because I figured that a change in mindset should manifest with a change in behaviour [especially since when I bumped into him at my church, he tried ever so slightly to avoid me]. Anyway, I asked him if he was happy with this decision for us to be just friends and he answered in the affirmative, but then made the fatal mistake of telling me that one day I would see that he was not right for me. He said other things as well but I really did not hear them because slap bang in the midst of this incredibly patronising soliloquay, I crossed over.

It hit me that he was talking absolute and utter shit [I told you I sometimes swear when necessary]. Not only was he giving me a faeces laden speech but he was genuinely expecting for me to remain to be there for him if/when he needed me. Alas, I had to interrupt his speech to inform him that we could no longer be friends. His reaction only confirmed the necessity of my decision - he....was...SHOCKED. As in genuinely, OMG, are you being serious - SHOCKED. That just made me laugh internally and inform him of my seriousness and then hang up the phone. I am no longer sad. No longer nostalgic, just bloody annoyed that I wasted my thoughts on such a creature and also relieved that I have made the cross over.

It took me a while but it is done and I am happier for it. I am single and ready to mingle. It turns out that I like the whole preamble of getting to know new people/guys, and the flirty banter. Don't throw rocks at me, I am just erm friendly.. is all. I don't know if I am quite ready to try the whole attempt at a relationship thing any time soon though. I am sure this is not appropriate behaviour for a lady but it really is my life and I firmly intend to juggle the attentions of many a gentleman caller until one convinces me that they are worth my undivided time. That will be all.

Legal Lessons: The Overriding Objective

Ok so I have been submerged in litigation law for the past week or so and I've just come back from my exam [which I think went ok]. Soooo being the intellectual and yet fabby person that I am, I thought I would give a little legal lesson with a twist. All civil proceedings are governed by the Civil Procedure Rules [the CPR] and the main rule that everything else branches from is called the Overriding Objective. In a nutshell the aim of the OO is to ensure that all proceedings are cost effective, expedient and fair so in effect ALL the statutory provisions of the CPR are subject to the dictates of the OO.

Get it? Got it? Good!! Now on to the fun stuff.

I have since realised that you can make metaphors out of pretty much anything and as a student of the law, I love doing this particularly with legal terminology and members of the opposite sex. Take Onion for example...

He has been avoiding our unfinished conversation like the plague and so I finally decide that enough is enough and erase him from my memory bank [not easy btw and I MAY have had a few teeny tiny vent-y type rants/explosions in the process of erm healing]. Anyhoo, I digress, the point is that the other day,  yesterday in fact, he called me and was super ready to just chit and chat as if we were slap bang in the middle of Shakespeare's 'All's well that ends well'- and what's more cheeky is that he was expecting me to comfort him because he'd had a bad day...nuh  uh..heck no. I made a hasty getaway and continued with my life when all of a sudden, Sally tells me that she...feels...sorry..for...HIM!!

SHOCK! HORROR! WTF??

It appears his voice had somehow pierced her heartstrings and for reasons inexplicable she just could not help but pity him. There was just 'something' that made her feel like he wasn't ENTIRELY trying to take me for a lumberjack...an element of sincerity?? I am not going to lie. I too have at times felt that same sincerity BUT then I glanced down at my book and remembered the Overriding Objective. Sure, sometimes I look at the statutory provisions of our relationboat and section 8[12] may say that he cared, and this may be backed up by several cases...HOWEVER the Overriding Objective says....'HE TOOK YOU FOR A LUMBERJACK' and then I look at the case of Re Valentines 2011 [and we all know the facts of this most recent commmon law] and decided that it takes precedent to all prior cases. So with that in mind, I am sticking firmly to my decision.

So you see what happened there folks?? It appears my father was right when he said to just face my books. They seem to have the answers to everything; my future career, subsequent riches and evidently my relationboat woes. How's that for lateral thinking??....

Maybe He's Two People...

Ok so today, I was feeling very female empowerment-y. I was heading to law school, ready to get my distinction, make my riches and then CLEARLY aim for world domination when BOOM, the tell tale sound of my blackberry text alert sounded and it was none other than Onion. 

The conversation went summat like:

Onion- How are you? I've just finished my to do list

Me - I'm fine apart from the fact that you still haven't called me back but i'm glad you've accomplished your goals on schedule

Onion - Yeah it was the best [elaborates about day]

Me -Selective reader much?

Onion - Dunno what I did wrong...

Me - Erm pretty much ignored entirely the first have of my text, i mean, I wasn't being subtle?

Onion - Had my first burger king meal today...

Me - .....

So am I entitled to really ask the question WTF???

I relayed this conversation to my dear friend martha and she came up with the only logical explanation, which she summed up nicely in 4 words: 'maybe he's two people'. At the time, I laughed at her, I mean REALLY laughed but then I took my 3 years worth of a law degree and my several months of the LPC experience and decided to apply a little lateral thinking. Funnily enough, the more I thought, the more she seemed to be correct: maybe he IS two people?? I mean statistics show that one in four people suffer from mental illness and IF he is one of those four and I have really been in a relationboat with two men  [and maybe like a tortoise] then that would really shed a whole lot of light on the situation.

I dunno, we laugh and we jest but if that isn't the solution to the above conversation, then  really and truly -what is?? Riddle me that folk....

The lumberjack explained.

Hi guys!

Last year whilst I was on my gap year, I used to write a column for a website called www.10orless.com which was basically about relationships and men from the viewpoint of a single gal. Long story short, that employment terminated [apparently you shouldn't write semi-abusive emails to your boss]??? BUT I have realised that writing helps me vent and so I am resuming my 'love circle' column under a different name. 

The lumberjack reference may not make sense BUT I coined it whilst seeing a guy whom I shall now refer to as 'Onion'. Let me explain. A lumberjack is practical; a labourer - you don't buy a lumberjack flowers or treat them special because you presume that they are only good for felling trees, so you get them gifts like hammers and axes and they do not complain because they are simply just a lumberjack. In other words a lumberjack is a dickhead. Alas, I try to refrain from swearing and cursing as much as possible [unless of course the situation really calls for it] and so I have traded in the DH for the LJ.

Ok back to the point. I decided to resume a column such as this because in my 23 years of living, I have formed quite a few opinions about the opposite sex and ALTHOUGH I TRY not to be cynical and entirely dismissal of them, every.single.time. I give one a chance, they try to 'take me for a lumberjack'. I will admit, I am often also to blame - I admit that sometimes I have practically donned a checkered shirt and begged for an axe but I really am not a lumberjack and that is why I am sharing my thoughts, musings and rants with you all.

 Let me give you a brief background as to my erm 'relationboat' history. I say 'boat' because I never quite made it to the relationship and so technically I have never had a boyfriend [tragic I know]. I have however, made it into a few relationboats but somewhere along the line, they always decide that they 'can't just commit'.

Sooo Onion. Onion is erm a touchy issue for me because true to what I have since dubbed the Valentine's Day Curse [VDC], he spoke to me on february 13th and told me we should just be friends. I have to laugh because erm laughing is better than crying and I hear it gives you a six pack??

The thing I struggle to understand is WHY OH WHY, when I am just minding my own business, men come and find me, tell me I am far too 'cold' and 'unfeeling'...'mean' if you will....and then the nanosecond, I warm up they try to treat me like a lumberjack. Anyhoo, now you understand the meaning of the blog, follow me as I share with you all my experiences with the opposite sex and my general thoughts on relationships and men.

I cannot promise that you will always agree with me BUT I can promise that you will be entertained.

p.s. feel free to go to 10orless and read my old blogs BUT if you do so, you must also write in and tell them just how awesome I am so I am rehired because whilst I love writing, I also love getting paid to write. Ah- good times.

Anyhoo I will tell you the onion story in bits and bobs, whilst I try my best to be the strong woman that my mother/life taught me to be and get over him. Meanwhile, I am JUST making a teeny weeny declaration that the next time a man hands me a metaphorical axe in an attempt to label me a lumberjack, I will most definitely use said axe to dismember him. 

That will be all.